


Hassliebe

by anewkindofthrill



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sad, possibly one-sided, rating will go up if i decide to write a sequel, the sequel would be porn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 02:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1589006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anewkindofthrill/pseuds/anewkindofthrill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hassliebe, die; Substantiv, feminin, Hass | lie | be (German)</p><p>“hate-love“ </p><p>a strong emotional attachment which switches between hate and love because of disharmony or mismatch</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hassliebe

There was a unspoken agreement that they couldn‘t start a romantic relationship. 

Commander Erwin Smith had never abolished romantic or sexual relationships in the Corps as long as they didn‘t get in the way of their job. Everyone knew Hanji and Moblit were more than commanding officer and subordinate. 

No, their agreement had very personal reasons; it was only between Captain Levi and Eren. 

Which meant they were free for others. 

___________

Levi and Mikasa were getting closer since they all joined Levi‘s new squad. No one really noticed but Eren; Eren knew both of them too well. Mikasa stopped her blatant display of dislike towards their Captain, and Levi started to acknowledge her more. Now Mikasa was often at Levi‘s side, shared his opinions and beliefs. Levi, on the other hand, delegated a lot of work to her, unofficially promoting her to second in command. 

Eren hated it. 

Eren was used to receive special treatment from Captain Levi, but that suddenly stopped since it turned out he wasn‘t able to turn his body into crystal. Or stone. Or any hard material. Or control it in any way at all. 

Eren had failed Levi. And Levi let him feel that - so Eren tought.

Of course, Levi never really scolded him for his shortcomings, Eren could even remember Levi trying to console him in his own weird way... But when he saw Levi talking to Mikasa, he forgot all about it. 

There wasn‘t any reason to believe Levi and Mikasa shared more than a normal commanding officer-subordinate work relationship, but he hated Levi being friendly with Mikasa. He hated Mikasa being nice to Levi. 

Levi should only treat  _him_  well. 

Mikasa should only be nice to  _him_. 

He was Mikasa‘s brother first, he was Levi‘s protégé first... He has the right to be their special one. Respectively. They weren‘t supposed to be friends, too. 

No. 

Eren watched them bringing the firewood in, both carrying the same amount. Both of them were stronger than he was, both of them were equals. 

Neither of them needed Eren. Eren was useless. 

Never had he felt this left out. He missed the days when it was just him and Mikasa and Armin. 

He hated Levi for not loving him most. 

___________

_Petra has told him that Levi is being weird to him. Not bad-weird. Good-weird._

_“He likes you, Eren. He really does. You must be someone special to him.“_

_Eren feels giddy, happy, elated. He is someone special to Captain Levi, Humanity‘s Strongest! After Petra‘s remark, he sees it, too. Finally believes what he thought was just him being self-centered and conceited. No, Levi is really looking at him differently._

_After all the losses, after death and despair, Eren has finally a reason to glow. The Special Ops Squad is being nice to him, too, even Auruo despite his huge jealousy towards Eren and him being Levi‘s favourite._

_Everyone notices and Levi doesn‘t seem to care._

___________

_There is a day when Eren performs exceptionally well at the 3DMG training. Levi almost, almost smiles at him and grants him a break. Eren is allowed to sit next to Levi, while the others are still up in the air. They sit on the soft moss of a stone, only a few centimeters parting them. Eren plants both hands next to his thighs and leans back, inhaling and exhaling loudly to calm himself after the training, to relax._

_Suddenly he feels a hand on his. He turns his hand and stares at Levi, who is still looking up to his squad. The hand takes his, squeezes it a bit, and lets it go._

_They never talk about it. But Eren is happy, truly and utterly happy, and he somehow knows that Levi is, too._

_They each have found a kindred spirit. Eren‘s heart beats faster._

___________

Once the seed of envy had been planted in Eren Jäger‘s heart, it wouldn‘t stop releasing buds of hatred. He sat on the table, reminiscing the old life with the old Squad, when Levi received yet another of Commander Smith‘s notes. Notes that were not read aloud. 

Eren hated Erwin for being so close to Levi. And Levi just abandoned him for a man who doesn‘t even bother enough to show up.

He dreamed of the day Levi would call him into his own small secluded bedroom to tell him in private what their next moves were, what the plan was. He imagined himself on Levi‘s right, fighting with him side by side... 

“Mikasa, can I talk to you for a second?“ 

_No. No no no no. Why “Mikasa“, why not “Ackerman“? Why her, why not me?_

He wondered why Mikasa would even go, spend more time with Levi than with him. It wasn‘t just about not being Levi‘s... favourite. It was about being Mikasa‘s brother, older brother, too. He wanted to protect her, not being protected by her... and he definitely didn‘t want anyone else to protect her.

He felt like everyone he knew was leaving him alone. 

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“I‘m sure they‘re talking about how you can be safe when you‘re going to be the bait“, Armin said, thinking Eren was concerned about really being abducted. Eren felt a sudden pang of guilt in his chest; he was obsessing over Mikasa and Levi and forgot that he wasn‘t alone, that he always had Armin. 

But then, Mikasa and Levi came back into the living room and Mikasa was  _smiling_. 

Eren couldn‘t hate Mikasa, it was impossible to do so. Not his sister who would do anything for him, for whom he would do anything.

So he hated Levi. The man he loved the most. 

___________

_Eren cannot sleep, so he goes down to the kitchen of the old castle, which serves as the current headquarters of Levi‘s Special Operations Squad. The incident with the spoon has been weeks ago, and he feels like this squad was his family now. He feels safe with them, warm and happy, and although he misses Mikasa and Armin and all the others, in some way he is having the time of his life._

_Especially when he sees that there‘s candlelight flickering in the kitchen to lighten up the room for a small, dark-haired man in his nightclothes._

_Eren salutes. “Good evening, sir.“_

_Levi looks up from his cup of tea. “Drop it when we‘re alone, Eren. It‘s okay.“_

_The boy smiles, Petra‘s words pleasantly ringing in his ears. Levi gestures to the teapot, silently inviting Eren to help himself, which Eren does. He sits down, not at the other end of the table, but rather close to Levi. He feels like he is allowed._

_Levi looks up, a bit surprised, but not annoyed. “Can‘t sleep?“_

_“Yes. You, too, sir?“ Eren isn‘t sure if he is allowed to drop the_ sir _, too, and he doesn‘t want to take the risk._

_“Yeah.“_

_They sit together in silence, not awkwardly though, it feels peaceful. Not even Eren‘s blossoming physical attraction to Levi is bothering him now. It‘s just Levi and Eren._

_Until Levi raises his voice. “Do you ever think about the life after the Titans? When we finally succeeded in killing them all?“_

_There has never been a question if Levi and Eren share the same dream or not._

_The young soldier thinks for a bit, finding it strange that he can‘t remember to have ever thought about that. He shakes his head._

_“I thought so, me neither. I guess... you and I just live for the cause, don‘t we. You would never prioritize something over stopping the Titans, would you?“ Levi‘s eyes hold a wistful look, almost melancholic._

_Eren doesn‘t understand why Levi looks like that, but he finally can give a heartfelt answer. “No, sir. Never.“_

_“Not even another person, a person you love?“_

Oh _. Eren looks at Levi with wide eyes and thinks that he understands._

_“... would you?“_

_“... No.“_

_“Me neither.“_

_Green eyes hold that same wistful look now as they look into their grey counterparts. They weren‘t made for this, for a relationship, for passionate love. Even if Eren feels it burning up his throat, burning his skin, the want, the need to touch Levi… Captain Levi and Eren Jäger were made for fight and revenge and blood._

_And he thinks he can see it in Levi, too._

_“But“, Levi suddenly says, “if a soldier from now survives everything - maybe their motivations and wishes will change? Maybe they will change, so they can do things they cannot do now?“_

_Levi actually_ smiles _, and Eren smiles back._

___________

Maybe Eren had misread the situation, and Levi doesn‘t feel for him at all? Maybe it was all his childish, stupid mind, being someone special to Levi... 

It certainly felt like it. Captain Levi had not even spoken to him for days now. It was only in the squad meetings when he received his orders, he was never alone with Levi anymore. Mikasa was. Connie was. Hell, even Jean was from time to time. 

They weren‘t Levi‘s friends, they were  _his_. 

Levi wasn‘t supposed to be their squad leader, he was  _his_. 

That was what Eren Jäger was thinking, locked up in a coffin, tied and gagged and kidnapped, because he had been used as a bait once again. 

There were tears in his eyes, tears of frustration and jealousy and hate. Levi didn‘t love him, didn‘t even like him the most. His friends didn‘t need him. He wasn‘t able to do anything but sit around, playing bait. Or being actually kidnapped. Who could tell the difference nowadays, when he couldn‘t stand at Levi‘s side, fighting against the Titans. 

No one needed him. 

Eren threw himself with all his strength against the wooden innards of the coffin, against the walls that encaged him. A splinter stood out. 

When a bullet from Kaney Ackerman hit Levi Ackerman, the last thing the Captain of the Recon Corps saw wild, hateful, green Titan eyes staring him. 

**Author's Note:**

> as stated in the tags, I might write a porn-y sequel
> 
> thank you for reading :3


End file.
